1989 CBS Records compilation is as weak as it gets

By MEGAMIXDOTCOM
Published Thursday, November 7, 2024

Ever since I chose The Hits as the second Compilation Station entry, I have been finding ways to avoid getting down to work writing about it. What seemed at first like an opportunity to get deliciously snarky quickly became a tedious exercise, so I put off finishing it for months.

That said, I knew I had to persist. So join me as I finally take a closer look at this truly bland 1989 release from CBS Records.

I distinctly remember seeing this album for sale in the music section of Eaton’s department store and being mildly intrigued by the cover. The drawing of a dude ripping a rad pose with his guitar looked cool, and the title was simple and bold: The Hits. It seemed like a promise.

But as Tiffany said, promises made are promises broken.

A quick cursory glance below the title would have revealed just how sad this album would turn out to be. Aside from the Bangles and Terence Trent D’Arby (known as Sananda Maitreya since 2001), nothing about the names listed could have possibly sparked any real excitement in 1989.

The first glaring problem is that the sole US #1 hit on the album is Will To Power’s awful cover medley of Peter Frampton’s “Baby, I Love Your Way” and Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird.” I may or may not have a few thoughts on it – but will instead defer to the expert in this case, Tom Breihan, who in his Number Ones column for Stereogum described the song perfectly when he wrote “it sounds like ass.”

Lesser-known artists like Omar & The Howlers, Basia and Tommy Conwell & The Young Rumblers are not done any favours here, either. Their chosen songs are totally uninspiring and fade into the background of an already poor lineup of tracks from the likes of Sade, Cheap Trick and Eddie Money.

The Canadian content is also pedestrian at best. Bruce Cockburn’s “If A Tree Falls” seems like a novelty song, with Cockburn mumbling his way though the laughably written spoken word verses. At least the song’s chorus has a bit of sauce, which is more than can be said for Barney Bentall’s “Come Back To Me.”

Finally, the inclusion of Santana’s “Black Magic Woman / Gypsy Queen” here is particularly vexing. It looks like CBS Records had just released the Viva Santana! compilation in 1988, so I guess they were trying to create some of that sweet corporate synergy by tossing a remixed version of the 1970 hit on this collection of late eighties tunes. It does not work.

The highlights? Well they are few and middling at best. D’Arby’s “Dance Little Sister” is decent enough and the Bangles contribute the solid “In Your Room.” Europe’s “Superstitious” is buried at the end of Side 2 – and while nothing special, it at least rocks in the most basic sense of the term.

As seen in the image above, the LP version of The Hits apparently contained coupons for $2 off releases by all the artists featured on the compilation. That’s actually a tasty deal and it makes me wonder just how many people ended up saving a couple of bucks on ‘Til Tuesday’s Everything’s Different Now as a result of this promotion.

Anyway – in the end, calling this collection The Hits was a stretch. Despite the claims on the cover, this is an hour of utterly forgettable music. CBS Records clearly did not tap into the best of what at the time was an extensive roster of artists.

And for those who are wondering if 11 year old me ended up buying this – of course I didn’t.

⭐ RATING: 2 out of 10
💖 BEST TRACK: The Bangles – “In Your Room”
💀 WORST TRACK: Omar & The Howlers – “Bad Seed”

A full tracklist and links to listen to the album on Apple Music and Spotify are below. Thanks for reading, friends!

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